Future Plans

Well, there comes a time when everyone in their life loses a job, big deal. Last night before I went to bed, I constructed a rather decent backup plan. I knew this would happen, because it has been coming since new management went in and took over. Also the mental stress of taking peoples shit all the time, 8 hours a day, without having the freedom to really say anything bad to them. You kiss their ass, and there are people always leaving because of how mental that job is. I am losing hair, can’t even get to a doctor now because they are no longer taking doctor excuses. I should have received two raises but no. So, it is not worth it. I shall find another place to work, shouldn’t be too hard. However, this may cause some moving.

I am also waiting on a phone call from an University, that will be quick to set up something for me so I can go to school online, get some grants and scholarships and finally stop wasting my life as I had done for the past year. I should have gone to college first, should have stayed with mom to begin with. Because of this, I will have to make some sacrifices, which is no big deal to me. As long as I have my laptop, my blanket and pillow, I am happy. Heck, this is nothing compared to when we were homeless. While I am traveling to GA after college gets settled out, I will be looking for mom a job too, and the road looks hard, so Prayers and all will be needed. I dreamed about this, not moving per say, but the storm was coming, something that would leave mom and I both sore and torn up to hell, but the Sun arrives, filling us with hope. Dreams like these come true, so things will turn out all right. I have faith.

I try to keep as much to myself as possible, but if questioned I will answer. Can’t help it. Can’t lie really. I applied online at Walmart, so maybe I can be a cashier again, because that was fun when I was at Food City. A part time job with college, which I shall be a math teacher and maybe do something with computers though looking at some of the codes made my head hurt (Thanks Nick :P) so math is what I truly love, and I want to teach Calculus and Advanced Math. That is my calling, and who knows, maybe I’ll end up in Michigan teaching up there or something. xD Once we get a car that is, which might be soon if the Lord is willing.

Mom’s been depressed, and I am almost sick of being burdened by feeling her depression, as far as losing my own optimism, but I need to figure out things myself. I made plenty of mistakes, but one’s got to learn. At least I don’t have a kid. Thank God! I would die otherwise. -.-

I went on ahead and made a new plan. Instead of me moving to my brother and all, I shall live with my uncle if things work out right. Which they will, I just know it. We get along and it is in Lexington, where opportunity lives. Maybe I can actually go to UK instead of online, or even that one community college. Then I would get the true experience.

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So I accidentally deleted the site staff blog.
But, as you can see: it’s been restored!
This is thanks to the magic of:
1) Automated backups
2) One manual backup in November
3) Google (Cached pages)

As a result of all of the above, the blog is back up to its normal level of stuff except for:
Pat’s most recent blawg.

Sorry, Pat.
I wubz j00! (I guess this just means you’ll have to blog again, twice as hard!)

It was totally my fault, too. I need to stop clicking things without fully understanding what they do. :r (And just think, they let me in HNZ’s Admin CP. xD )

Sorry once more. =[


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A busy busy busy New Year!

I have noticed something over the past few…weeks, perhaps months. Perhaps my muse is gone for the time being, because my life got ten times more exciting. But while I have been working a full time job, I have been thinking over my recent plots from 2010. Most plots were awesome, epically, and I think HNZ members that have assisted me with making them come alive. I enjoy them so much. But once I got to thinking, some of these, they were started and never finished.

In particular, one I was really excited for, and had it written out, gotten Administration approval, and then…it never finished. Other plots were, but never that one. I watched that role-play fall apart, and others that I have gotten excited for, and things just never happened. I don’t know if it is just me, or if the plot was just not exciting enough. It makes me disappointed, to watch other roleplays get finished, but it is a miracle nowadays that I even get to finish just one roleplay. My muse is gone, and I work full time. But I normally have about 4-5 hours of computer time a day anyhow. I somehow catch up with lessons, but when it comes to roleplays, I get frustrated. I wonder if it will even finish. I mark my roleplays that I reply to as dead after a month without response. Half the time when I am lurking HNZ, I try to find global moderator things to go, such as updating the Graduation list, or something like that, because I don’t want to roleplay.

I see so much for characters, for biographys, for plots, for Accio, for Quidditch; I would love to participate in it all, but with my recent thoughts, I think the only thing I will be good for are my professor duties, and my moderating. Maybe a fancy looking biography. I had to shut down my Graphics shop for the time being because I don’t have the muse to make anything special. But I guess what is just disappointing to me is that sometimes, I spend so much time on a plot, it just falls apart. I think if that gets fixed, then my muse will return, and maybe I can get back on track. It takes me, up to two weeks to reply to a roleplay now, and I don’t want it to be like that. I want to broaden my plots, and stuff, but it seems like every time I try to, real life likes to kick the plans’ ass. xD

Perhaps nowadays I just need to relax and stick to bio-editing, lessons and moderating.

Hey, new blog for the new year! So, let me highlight what has happened over the previous seven days:

  • Facebook drama between my mother and Diana. I have ranted before about my mom, but things have most certainly changed since then
  • I end up crushing on a boy that has led me on in the past, but I am still making him grovel over it. *smirks* And the compliments and goofy stuff is nice. So, we are still friends for the time being.
  • I discover a new love for unique banners (example: Hadan’s current)
  • I worked my first 12 hour shift. Sucked ass
  • Made new friends

From the way the new year is starting out, it seems like my real life is booked, correct? Perhaps. This year brings along at least two large plots that have everything to do with Aleyha Devearux, my pet Parselmouth, the very plans that have been made over a year ago.

I also realized that when you truly love someone, it never stops hurting. I saw that one of my ex-boyfriends have just recently became single, and my heart jumped a bit. Gah, it has been like, 3 and 1/2 years, I should have been over him already. FML. Lol. But then there is that other crush, if it works out. IF. Can you all tell that I am just a complete mess? Keep in mind that I am a female, most females would know the time of when a woman’s feelings and attitude get all topsy turvy. I realized also, I want to be a mother one day. Well, pregnant, but not a mother. Ish. I know for a fact I am not ready to be a mother and support a baby (plus, marriage for me is required, and when I have some free moneys, I am going to buy me a purity ring!), but just the thought of being pregnant sounds cute and stuff, but scary and painful. I am friends with a pregnant girl in the class. I am probably empathizing for her, because I only felt like that when I was in short distance of her.

I am going to wrap this up with some things I look forward to within the next few months or so:

  • Contemplating actually going out and dating
  • Changing my last name
  • Going to the doctor after I have insurance
  • Getting a new car
  • Perhaps a cousin of mine moving in with me
  • Maybe when my aunt gets married, depending on when, if my uncle will allow me and my cousin to move in with him to attend a better college up there (I need to talk to both of them :r)
  • And college in the summer

Seems like I have it all down. Ranting, probably just something that frustrates me, but really, some things I started, they don’t mean much to me unless it affects my characters. So, if you all need a plot or a banner (absolutely NEED one), hit me up on my PM box, or on skype on the weekends. I am willing to RP with anyone, as long as there is no godmodding. ;)


The Dark Orchid named Sir Kaitlyn

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Note: I started writing this blog on Christmas Eve, but am only finishing it now – on December the 28th. So that should explain some of the time shifting between the content of the post and the date it actually gets posted. Enjoy!

This blog post was inspired by another blog which I tumbled across recently, when I heard a TEDx talk from the creator of the blog. The blog is 1000 Awesome Things in which the author identifies the small, awesome, things that happen now and then which we might not notice, but when we do we really appreciate just how great they are.

I must admit that I do have a knack for getting annoyed with things on HNZ. It’s often the small things, and those small things being repeated over and over and over again, which really get me – and then I blog. Normally it’s some insane rant, where even I have to wonder if I’ve finally lost my mind, then I get a handful of supportive messages from various members of HNZ, nothing really changes, life moves on… until the next blog.

With inspiration from 1000 Awesome Things, and the Holiday Season fully upon us, I figured I would take a break from the usual type of rant, and mix things up a bit. ^_^

Now, I know identifying 1000 Awesome Things about HNZ would be quite ambitious of me – especially considering that this is Christmas Eve and I fully plan on having this blog post up shortly. It could be done, undoubtedly, but it’d be a little much for me to just sit down and do right now – so instead I’ve resolved to do 10 awesome things. 10 awesome things about HNZ, big or small, that I often take for granted but truly appreciate, and they make me feel happy when I take a moment to stop and realize how truly awesome they are.

  • Banner Makers & Graphics Requests
    These are superbly awesome, but so often taken for granted. We’re a Harry Potter RPG – not a graphics community at all, but there are members in our community who have talents the rest of us severely lack and are willing to share their abilities openly, with anybody who asks, in a formal system like the Graphics Requests Forum. If it weren’t for people like the banner makers, HNZ would probably be a lot uglier of a place… or be filled with all of those dolls from ’07. *shivers* Banner makers are definitely something awesome which I fear many of us take for granted.
  • There’s always an open roleplay
    Plenty of roleplaying boards are full to the brim with “experienced” roleplayers who have strict plot maps for their characters, and very closed ideas for what is to happen to them. The fact that HNZ isn’t like that, and hopefully will never be like that, is pretty awesome when I stop to think about it. New members always have the option of joining a plethora of roleplays with established members. Not only that, but this also means that a certain amount of the roleplays on the site are somewhat spontaneous – and it’s these spontaneous roleplays which often turn out some of the most enjoyable results. I don’t like to imagine how stiff HNZ might be without those roleplays.
  • We welcome new people excitedly!
    Most welcome topics that are posted on HNZ, get three or more welcomes from various members. There are a handful that only have one or two – the ones that slipped through, I call them, but on the whole – we make sure new members know what to do, where to go, who to talk to, and most importantly: that we love that they’re on the site. As basic as this principle is, welcoming new members, it’s actually in short supply on many other forums. Even the most popular of forums, with tens of thousands of members, seem to have serious trouble welcoming new ones. On one forum, I posted a welcome topic and waited a week before even one person welcomed me. :( I then got a lot more attention when I pointed out how absurd that was. :tut: . So we’re doing pretty well (though there is always room to improve! ).
  • We’re not just a HP RPG Forum
    Some days, it seems like we’re not an RPG at all when the off topic board and the forum games area are getting much more attention than any roleplaying at all. But that’s kind of awesome, that despite the focus of the board being something else, we all make sure to get connected to one another, get to know the people behind the characters we’ve roleplayed with, and real friendships are forged. The community has evolved from the somewhat tenuous one of 2007, to one where 800 to 1000 page “spam” topics are ripped through regularly, we all seem to have each other on messenger and Facebook, many of us have met up with others and had a grand time, and the community continues to grow. While the growth of a community might seem natural on forums, I think HNZ does it in a way which still truly awes me. The fact that members have met on HNZ, then gone out of their way to meet in real life and their friendships have continued on, stronger than ever – that’s awesome. I can’t say I’ve ever actually considered meeting somebody from the board, but I’ve made tonnes of good friends, and met tonnes of amazing people on HNZ – and I think that’s something that I don’t always realize: how awesome the people on the board actually are, and how close-knit many of us have become.
  • If something is amiss… chances are somebody knows and eventually I’ll know
    As much as I may complain about being PM-spammed for things I already know, there are times when I don’t have a clue about things. Or when I genuinely forget and just need a gentle poke. Or when members pick up on something and do it before I even get that far down on my to-do list. If it weren’t for PMs like times like those, I think HNZ quite possibly would have drowned a long time ago. So never fear to PM me if you think something might have been legitimately forgotten (and you’re up to date on all the announcements, FAQ posts, and blog entries – where I might have admitted to knowing and being a bit late on things) – because such messages are really helpful, even if I don’t reply to you right away, and truthfully – quite awesome.
  • A thank you is never too far away.
    Even the simplest of things, like changing a new account’s group from “unsorted” to “member” seems to get a thank you. While it annoys me sometimes (because I’ve cleared out my PM inbox then suddenly I get 10 more PMs with a simple ‘thanks’), it’s really pretty awesome that gratitude is acknowledged and these things not just always taken for granted. If I had to choose between not getting any thank you replies, so my PM inbox could always be neat and tidy, and getting replies which might mess up my inbox, I think I’d take the thank you replies, for sure. Even though I often get annoyed by them, or take them for granted, they’re really nice, and I think I’d be more annoyed thinking nobody cared at all.
  • Everybody is ready and willing to congratulate other’s on their accomplishments
    This is really exemplified in how the latest character spotlight has more replies to it than the latest Bi-Weekly Update does. In fact, it currently has twice as many replies. It’s really cool, I think, that despite the spotlight being chosen every two weeks (or whenever we remember, whichever comes later), and despite it only being one person, everybody acknowledges how deserving that person is and takes the time out to congratulate them. Every member of HNZ is probably deserving of the character spotlight for one reason or another, but getting around to every member with only so many spotlights in a year will take a while, so it’s pretty great that while it may not be them for a while, everybody’s a great sport about it.
  • Inside Jokes
    While I may bemoan their uses in spam between two members who know each other outside of the forum, I think that inside jokes from HNZ itself are quite awesome. While they may make some newer members feel excluded, they also present an opportunity for those members to become a part of the community and help to crank out some of our future inside jokes. From alpha-bites to Kingy being – what is it? 700 years old? – to the Nicktator and Slaves to the Nicktator – these are just a few thing that I’ve been a part of (or the butt of) and always make me happy to think of. I know, too, that there are many more which I’ve forgotten, or was never a part of, but are just as much a part of HNZ’s community. I think jokes like these, and the ones that will surely come in the future, are something which I often just take for granted, but are really quite great.
  • People are interested, and take part in decision-making when they can
    While it seems to be the trend of democracy for people to take no interest in government, and HNZ is by no means a democracy… we do have a Nicktator, after all – but when a vote is posted (whether it be a giant site poll that we do once a year, or a poll about a major change/upgrade to the site, or just a poll added to a suggestion which we’d like to know the whole site’s take on) tonnes of people get involved and take the time to cast their vote. I trust that people are honest in their voting, and don’t use a plethora of accounts to rig the results in their favour. HNZ could be in a spot where, despite being active, absolutely nobody took an interest in the operations of the board or future changes to it, entrusting all such decisions solely up to the staff (decisions which they might later begrudge). Fortunately, we’re not. We have a community that is ready to take part in keeping the site together, and influencing the site’s directions for the future.
  • People don’t ask to become staff.
    Ok, so I’m not ending on the biggest one imaginable – but this is something I don’t normally think about, but when I do I reallllyyy appreciate it. I can’t care to count how many forums I’m a part of, or I know about, where people continuously request to become an administrator, or a member of the moderating team, or anything like that. Doing that often just eliminates people from being considered at all, and it’s pretty frustrating for the people who are staff. (Note: I must admit at this time, that I am guilty of having offered to be staff on HNZ in the very beginning – but it was more of a “You obviously need help, and you say nobody is willing, but I would be if you wanted…” sort of deal and totally got shot down. ;) ) So the fact that we don’t have that problem, at all, on HNZ is super awesome amazing sweet. It lets us worry about other things, and hand-pick staff whenever we think it’s time for another promotion. (Speaking of which… :r … I jest.)

So there’s my ten things about HNZ which I often take for granted, but think are super-awesome.
As I said above, there are obviously tonnes more, but I’ll leave those to your own imagining. ;)

I hope everybody has had a very awesome Holiday season, and will have a safe and happy New Year!


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“I wouldn’t try to trick you.” – BOLOGNA! (AKA: A rather present absence)

I’m sure that many of you have read, or were at some point aware of, my absence post in which I informed HNZ of my impending leave of absence, attempted to assure users of the fact that they did not force me out, and reminisced to some degree about my three years on the site.

I also know that some of you were very disheartened with my post, while others rejoiced. So, the fact that I was only ever ‘gone’ for about a week was both a relief, and a let-down. Not only did I once more lurk the forums, I took up half of my duties again, personally coded some of HNZ’s largest code updates to date, and spent a fair amount of time ensuring users could not count to 10 before staff post. (See here)

Why such a severe post for an absence that really didn’t entail much of an absence?

Well, as far as I knew, I would be gone from HNZ for a very long time. All I knew was that I had to ‘leave’ and ‘leave’ was the only word I knew. I didn’t know if it was an absence, or a vacation, or forever. So, I took my initial week of being off and didn’t lurk HNZ except for my absence thread, only posted to let staff know what had to be done that I wouldn’t be doing, and that was about it.

I enjoyed my week from HNZ. In about 10 months of being HNZ’s sole administrator, I’d been fed up with a lot of things, and just couldn’t manage it anymore. HNZ was becoming a chore, not a hobby. I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel for me, either.

Now, I know some of you have been around as long as I have, some of you longer than I have, and many of you at least long enough to be familiar with Alicia Barker who was more-or-less HNZ’s sole administrator for several months, as well (before I was made an administrator, then Livvy grew active as an administrator once more). She managed it, just promoted new admin, and still remained the ‘Head Administrator’ for several more months before having to leave the site in the fall of 2008 for familial and educational reasons. However, there are some key differences between Alicia’s ability to manage the site alone, how she handled it when it was getting too much, and my situation. The first is the size of the site. From the fall of 2008 to the fall of 2010 HNZ has gained more than 4,000 user accounts. The site’s expansion was not limited to the member base, however. HNZ expanded in what was possible for users to do, what is expected from the staff, the community’s activities, etc. Being the sole admin of HNZ meant doing a lot more through 2010 than it had in 2008. Why not just promote another admin or two from the GMs? Well, this really ends up being mostly due to the fact that Livvy and I have become a team. We’re so used to just quickly running an idea by the other then going with it that adding another person would make them feel like a third-wheel, something I’ve said numerous times I wouldn’t do to one of our awesome GMs. It would also delay processing applications in that a third person would have to read them over and add their thoughts (during normal times). Outside of normal times (like during Livvy’s prolonged absence, or whenever I go away) – Livvy and I have been a two-person-duo-of-amazingness for long enough that we trust each other to make the right call for applications and just do it solo. Achieving that level of trust once more with a third admin could prove difficult, and time consuming for the first several months. So, if ever a time comes when a third admin is needed on HNZ, she (yes, I’ll say she since all our GMs have been women) should be added during a time when HNZ is running smoothly, that way a little delay while we get used to things can be handled. Throwing the person in to a wild whirlwind of chaos while one admin is away would probably be a very bad idea.

After that first week of being really away from HNZ, I realized that Livvy still wasn’t around, the staff didn’t have the means to change what needed to be changed, and things were piling up. HNZ would quite literally drown itself and (or, more optimistically, just stall) without some things happening. So I took to coding a few things. First, I coded the house points board information to be changeable by staff. Then I coded the character spotlight area to be changeable by staff. These two main things let the staff do most of what Livvy would have been responsible, which I normally handled myself. However, the problem of applications persisted.

At first I refused to touch them at all, then I realized just how far behind they were and that they would only be getting worse. So, in a few hours spare time over a couple of days I started processing the applications, using the system message feature of ZetaBoards to inform people of the status of their applications without messaging them from my account, where they might think I’d fully returned.

As midterms passed and I gained more free time, I started to socialize in the Off-Topic board again, something I hadn’t been able to do very much when I was doing everything admin-wise for HNZ before my ‘absence’. I offered new members welcome to HNZ, something I always enjoy doing, and I helped out a few members with peculiar account problems. At this point, the personal messages started pouring in. Despite technically being ‘gone’ from the board I was once more receiving countless group change requests, general questions, requests to roleplay, etc. These messages immediately stressed me out. I was relaxing, even if that relaxation was on HNZ! Why did I need to be spammed? I decided to ignore the messages. In the time it would take to reply to them all and explain why I wouldn’t help them, I could have just done what they wanted me to. This, however, proved even worse for my sanity. As I ignored PMs people started to grow impatient. They PMed as many as three times about the same issue, they bumped messages ‘reminding’ me of their presence, and one FAQ Topic was posted asking why an issue hadn’t been dealt with. It was at the FAQ topic that my sanity dissipated, and I posted explaining the situation. I could have easily dealt with the user’s group change several times over in the amount of time it took to explain everything, but now there was a principle at stake. For a time I even disabled my PM inbox, however I had to re-enable it to ensure new Professors could get the information they needed and I could be reached in the event of a true emergency on the board.

As time rolled on I continued to grow more active on the board. I processed applications openly, sending out messages from my own account, I coded more and more features as ideas came or complaints were lodged, I ensured forums opened and closed (mostly) on time, all because I knew if I wasn’t doing it, it wouldn’t be able to be done. Livvy’s real life took priority to HNZ, which is concept of that refrain which has really defined HNZ for the past 3.3ish years. “Real Life comes first”, the problem with this refrain in the context of site staff, however, is that if real life hits hard for enough of us simultaneously, the site is crippled. Fortunately, I have become adept at juggling HNZ and real life. I had rested well enough with the idea of leaving HNZ for a long while, and I couldn’t bear to see a site which I had poured countless hours or work in to, which I’ve seen and helped to grow, and where I have met so many great people, people I can call friends, and friends who enjoy their time on HNZ so dearly – I couldn’t see that type of site just slowly fall apart because I was tired of certain things.

So I did more than I said I was growing to, and gradually I came out of the absence which I had imposed on myself. Now, with my first set of University final exams looming, I know that my time is precious and I still may not be doing every little thing on HNZ, but I expect after finals I will be returning to HNZ in a fuller force. Rested, to some degree. Frustrated with some people for their ignorance and decision that it’s better to harass me than to let me rest, and with a lot of great ideas in mind for HNZ’s future.

Hopefully, Livvy will be back soon enough. Unfortunately, in the past 10 months we have seen her ‘return’ countless times only to leave again; so I am cautiously optimistic. I know Livvy misses the site, but real life really does have to come first, and juggling her life and the site also means effecting her child’s life, which is not something that should be done lightly. So her absences are understandable, but her return will be most anticipated. Hopefully, as well, HNZ will continue to grow at break-neck speeds which may well require an addition to HNZ’s admin team, who we can them bring on board with Livvy around so things are done properly. I’d love if HNZ became so large that eventually a whole team of admin are necessary. We’ll see. Hopefully everybody celebrating Hanukkah this year is enjoying themselves, everybody celebrating something else will enjoy themselves, we’ll all have a safe and happy end of 2010 and look forward to an amazing 2011. ^_^ (Any year that includes the conclusion of the Harry Potter series in film will undoubtedly be uber-awesome, amirite?)

Finally, I hope that anybody who reads this post can understand where I’m coming from. Why my post was so severe, how worn out I was, and how much I truly need the support of HNZ’s community in order to do the things I do.


P.S: Excuse all grammar and spelling errors, please. I refuse to reread this rant, even if it is just to proof read it. =P

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Frustration and Contemplations

So, we all know how things will have me frustrated to no end. Recently, I came across something on Facebook that really set me off. I mean, Jessye had to sit and hear me rant over just how stupid people are nowadays. I remember something in the Bible (don’t ask me where, cause I don’t know where) “Do not attempt to remove a speck from another’s eye without removing the plank from your own eyes.” I believe this with my entire being. Pretty much, stop being a freaking hypocrite. Unless I am reading that wrong. Which I strongly doubt.

I’ve been nice to people, and from the vine, I’ve received some sour grapes full of insults and such about me; about my friends; about the site staff. It disappoints me and I dare not repeat the things they say. It angers me so much that we, the site staff, spend a lot of our time making sure that the members get what they want. We stress ourselves out so that you members can have your HNZ. I have been to other sites, and their staff could careless about what the members and how they felt. HNZ is a heart-warming community, yet people try to take advantage of something. Then they blame it all on the ‘cliques’ just when they don’t get what they want. Favoritism…another word that goes along with the cliques.
I want to point out that someone like me, someone who has a lot of honors, even I have been rejected with applications. Two, that I remember, and I rarely put in applications. I’ve have to tweak and work to get mine approved. Not because I am a Global Moderator, but because my applications are thorough, and because they aren’t just thrown together from a show or something. They are original. I spend a lot of time on my applications, and well, sometimes, life just doesn’t want to spoil me and give me everything I want. I see that rejection is what gotten a lot of people against the site staff. More importantly; Nick and Livvy. I wonder if those people who know that they were rejected….they can easily apply again with a more thorough application at a later time. It isn’t that hard to do, and it isn’t the end of the world when you see that your application has been denied. Come on, people, this isn’t school. :tut:
As far as the ‘cliques’ go, I am not going to point out people. That would be just rude. However, people will band together, and RP with the other more than other people because they get along with someone better than the other. It is life. For example, I RP with Jessye a lot, that is no coincidence. We are best friends and very close. Yet, she is not the only RP with, and she RPs with others other than me. I love to RP, with about anyone so long as you don’t go back on your word, and don’t mess up anything, or leave me hanging. If you aren’t interested in a plot with me, don’t plan it out, and not reply. I get excited too, and thus, this affects my muse, and I come to think that my plots that smart and awesome because I allowed one person to affect me.
What does make me laugh though, is that people complain that they don’t get anything. No rewards (prefect status, professor character, whatever). You know what makes me laugh? When that person has not done anything to receive that honor. They think they deserve it, but they don’t. If you don’t do anything, and if you don’t RP and act nice to other members, you can’t expect to get much. This applies to everyone in life. You only get what you deserve. No matter how long you have been on HNZ, for example, but you don’t do much at all, you don’t get anything special just because you’ve been around. You have to really commit. I guess this goes to jobs too. My brother has failed to realize this, and well, this may apply to those on HNZ, but I have no idea if it does or not.
What else makes me laugh, is when a group of people constantly know what another group is doing, and mocking it. I have realized this: this is obsession. That obsessive group follows the other group, watches what they do, what they say, all the time, and mocking it for their own enjoyment. I wonder if they realize that the other group doesn’t care what they do, because the obsessive will just keep thinking about them, because it is eating them inside. That obsessive is doing nothing but wasting their time on following this other group that is well known and very friendly – more often than not – and the obsessive group doesn’t do anything at all. This has happened to me – where I was being followed, being mocked, and all this jazz. You know what I did? I laughed. Nothing like that phases me, because I know that they are just trying to improve their lives, by attempting to make me and my friends feel like scum…but they fail.
That has happened so much at school and everywhere else, that I am usually the last one to know. Rumors about me about to beat up someone or something, I am always the last to know. Half the time, I am just confused and I burst into laughter.
Other than the fact that I am receiving amusement from the ignorance and stupidity of people, that has been on my mind. People judge another, and that happens. But they never judge themselves. If you think you deserve, but has not earned it, and you complain, you know that is only bringing down yourself. If you apply this to the career path, you will receive failure. I would know, for I have seen it happen to my brother. He blames everyone else for himself, says that the world is against him when he needs to just grow up and earn himself a place. My advise to you all, is if you think that you aren’t getting everything you want because of favoritism, I want you to think twice. There is no proof of these happenings, and no proof of ‘cliques’.
That seven letter word makes Nick weep. But what does make me? It makes me laugh. Generally, the people that say there are cliques, are technically in them themselves. If you think about it, cliques are bands of friends, that stick together, and possible ignore everyone else, and tease the other. That is freaking high school. HNZ is not a high school.
That has been on my mind a lot lately.
Thanks for reading!
~ Sir Kaitlyn

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Summertime is here!!!

Hi there, and welcome to my very first blog as a GM on HNZ 😀 Something that I still can’t believe happened. I was so shocked when I was first asked about joining the Site Staff, I really couldn’t believe it. But that’s in the past now and I’ve stopped staring at my pretty name….much :r

And now on to the blawg. I’m not exactly what to write here, there is a reason I don’t blog much because when I do it’s basically an update about what I’ve been upto since my last blog and that’s pretty boring for people to read I suppose lol. So this will probably just be a ramble about some of the random things that have been happening in my life recently and what I have to look forward too.

Even though this is the first blog on here I have my own personal one on HNZ and the last one on there was on St. Paddy’s Day, so I suppose I can pick up from what happened since then. Well firstly I turned 19 (the next day actually lol). That’s not really a big thing to some but it’s so weird thinking I’m 19 now and I joined HNZ when I was 17 and I don’t feel like I’ve changed at all. After that the biggest thing that happened me was during Easter. I had a few weeks break from Uni during Easter so I took a wee break. Even though I had it planned since January/Febuary time I was sooo excited about. This was the first time I went away by myself, I’ve only ever been out of NI twice when I went to London for my 8th birthday with mum and dad and a few years ago when I went to Newcastle-Upon-Tyne to visit Chris when he went to Uni there, with mum and dad – again. So this was a big deal for me and mum was more nervous that I was, silly woman but I suppose it was understandable – but when she rang me 15 times a day, then I got annoyed <_<

But anyway yes, back to my trip. Well this trip wasn’t just any ordinary trip, no it had a purpose. So I left from Belfast and went to Edinburgh, and when I was in Edinburgh I met my very first HNZ member 😮 Yep, I met Emmi (Lemina Troque). She nearly choked me after a literal running glomp xD Yes I met Emmi and it was epic, we had been talking about it for so long and I have to say I had the best time EVAR! I enjoyed myself so much, especially singing Christmas songs at the top of our voices in a park whilst recording ourselves lol. So many random things but I wouldn’t have changed any of it, so much fun. Then after our (near tearful ;( ) farewell I headed off to Newcastle-Upon-Tyne. Oh yeah, this trip had a few stops and I only stayed a day wherever I went. Newcastle was good, I didn’t meet anyone there but I really love that city. After that came my next HNZ member (yes I met more than one :D) Anywho I took a wee train ride to see Toneh! Again, another epic day, even if we did just say in his flat on HNZ and watch a movie 😛 Then after Toneh, came Stephy ^_^ OMG I had so much fun there aswell, again we jsut stayed in but had many laughs ^_^ After that I took my last trip to London. Now here was just a stop over because I was flying out of there and unfortunately I couldn’t do anything there because I had to drag a suitcase around with me <_< But the best part of London was stepping out of the train station and seeing the Apollo Victoria Theater and seeing nothing else but WICKED!!! I was nearly in tears, it was so close and yet so far 🙁 But I promised myself that I will not see Wicked until I go to America and see it with our very own Elphaba and Glinda 😀 Anywho that was my trip of epic proportions, I had such a great time and it was something I needed.

Well that brought me into April and boy did that month fly in. With essays to be done at Uni and being busy will all that jazz I didn’t see May arrive 0.o The last thing I remember about April was a formal for my department at Uni done by the second years, ahhh such a good night, and even better it was the last day of Uni :o. And then two days after I was away to a concert by one of my favourite boy bands who were on a break for the past year so this was their first concert in two years and OMG it was epic. I never screamed/squeeled/sang so much in my life. This is evident as I ended up getting laryngitis and tonsillitis after it >.< Oh yes, not just one but two, just my luck really lol Was put on a course of antibiotics and other tablets which I stopped taking :r But I need to finish now as my throat is starting to get really sore again.

Well since then I’ve been somewhat sparce on my RPs and I apologise for that and even though I was on HNZ as much as I usually am I felt so guilty for being on because well for the past two weeks I’ve been doing exams. Oh how I dispise those things <_< songs =”))”>.< Nose is blocked up something shocking 🙁 But it’ll be over soon…hopefully and I’m not going to let it ruin my summer 😛

It’s so hard to believe though. I’m officially finished my first year of Uni! AHhhhhhh! It’s such a scary thought, this time next year I’ll be finished second year and getting ready to go to America for a year and a lot of people knows what that means for me and other HNZers :r ^_^ This year has flown in and despite the work been as hard as hell half the time I’ve enjoyed Uni so much and I can’t wait until I go back, as a second year 😮 Even though it’s not for another 5 months. Such a long break but I will be busy-ish for some of it basically:

  • Going out on Saturday with the same bestie from yesterday in an attempt to cheer her up as she got dumped at the weekend, via text <_<
  • Moving out of the flat I’ve been living in for the past year on Sunday
  • May 28th: I’m having a Charity Line Dancng Disco to help raise money from my trip in Boston *read further*
  • June 5th: I’m going to Croke Parkto see Westlife (the same boy band as the one at the beginning of May with the same person xD
  • July 3rd & 7th: Working in the summer scheme at Youth Club
  • July 9-25th(-ish): This is going out of bullets as it’s fairly big ^_^

OK so this is something that I’ve been looking forward too for a few months now. The Youth Service that I work in does an International Leadership Project every year to America. And I got chosen this year 😮 Which is a big thing as only 7 or so get chosen out of everyone who applies and since I’ve been in the Youth Service for a year I was well chuffed I got chosen to go.So basically me and few other people around my age (along with two of our leaders) are going to a camp near Cape Cod, Boston, USA!!! to work with children who have special needs, for two weeks. I am soo excited. I’ve never been to America before and even though I’m going to be working while there I can’t wait to go, it’s going to be so much fun and an amazing experience to boot ^_^ Despite being uber excited for this I’m a bit worried as I have to raise around £500 :-/ Hence why I’m doing the Charity Line Dancing Disco, I just hope I get a good crowd and I know a good number of people who said they will come…so fingers crossed. Another thing that this trip means for me, is that I won’t be on HNZ for about 2 weeks 😮 I know, the horror ;( We’ll be in the middle of a forest so no internet access, but it’ll fly in and I’ll be back before you know it 😛

Anyway that’s not for a while yet so soak up all of me that you can get before then :r As for now I have a list of RPs that are starting to pile up >.< Hopefully I can get replied to them and start the other pile that I have to start. To everyone that that involves, be patient with me 🙁

And with that, thanks for reading the biggest pile of randomness ever xD

– Pattycakes! xx

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Leg Hurts – Brain Dead – Life Goes On

So basically this is my first post to the blawg and I feel utterly ashamed of it. Unlike others I don’t get the whole blog experience, never thrilled me in the slightest. But if I must I must, so here goes my own rant if that be the word for it. The past few weeks in my own life has been crazy to the extent that my time on HNZ has been minimal at best. I have tried to keep on top of my rp’s of course but it does seem unfair to those who wait on me to end up doing simply a post a day. I feel as if even my GM duties have taken a considerable nose dive and I know Nick will say otherwise but I seriously prefer to be doing more. Especially with our Livvy not back in admin mode completely yet and Nickles taking on everything.

We do get lists of course and this was on one of them xD not a bad thing to swipe from the list to do but as I’m not a blogger usually writing as if I’m doing my journal but for all to see is daunting. Who will I upset? Who would I leave out? Lessons are finishing soon enough and then we have exams, the graduating class of Year 9 – must do up Aries speech xD – grading and tons of other things going on as per usual. In my chaotic real life of course I do nothing by halves and now I sport a beautiful black ankle brace, my brain feels fried from the meds I am taking but hey, the pain in my ankle is gone lol.

My blawg seems so unstructured and disorganised, I’m sure Nick will pop along later and correct it somehow xD I keed of course.The birthday celebrations seemed to have gone well, can’t believe the site is five years running. How amazing are we!! Yes I stress the We 😉 I am so loving the banner that won and the memories that people have posted are brilliant. Would love to post my own but I backed nothing up with post-it’s and those that know me best, know I have the worst memory imaginable and post-it everything regularly. xD But if I do remember anything other than how awesome I think you all are, I will be sure to post up there. I did the *five list* and cheated a little by grouping some but no one has complained yet 😉 Why are there no emoticons in blawg world? I love emoticons… is there anyone I can complain too about this oversight? Anyhows before I go off on another tangent altogether, I will leave you all be and let you all cross your fingers that I won’t be doing another one of these. Hahaha

~ Linda

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Stressed out and Slavery

As a lot of you have witnessed in my letter, which can be read here, I have been having trouble with my mom. Guess what, guys, it just went from bad to total hell. I am a strong person, and this is a good trait of mine, that I am strong enough to even go through a funeral of my second-mother without crying. But right now, it appears that I have broken, and I have to write about it. Mom and I got into it, yet again. This was so bad, I am not joking. It got me to the point of crying, and just had to keep my hands busy which resulted in me doing my laundry and cleaning up my bathroom.

I don’t have much time, because I have to be at Walmart soon. But this is how the fight went:
I was preparing a delicious meal with a smile on my face and I was joking around. Typical, I was in a great mood. Then, mom came in and took over the stove, saying that hers wouldn’t take long. I was like, “Okay, I hardly eat as is, and you are delaying it?” But I shrugged and said I would wait. Then, she took her time to issue me with taking out the trash, picking up all the trash around the house. Okay, I didn’t take it out yesterday because I wasn’t very fond of having my butt struck by lightning. Yeah, I find that excuse reasonable. She started going on about how this house is always in a mess.
Jee, I wonder why. I am always in my room, eating and drinking in here and cleaning up my mess. So, I wonder whose trash I had to pick up, whose dishes I had to wash. (I know I am not being grammatically correct, but I could careless at this point). After I got all that done, mom and I got into a little spat about whether or not the trash was ready to go out. I don’t like to waste, so I was like, “Mom, look, you can still put stuff in there.” But no, she wanted it out. I told her I would take it out when it was full.
Then, the big fight came. I had only poured water into the pot to start my pasta. After having to do all that, having to witness mom blaming her crap on me, who would want to eat after that? I told her that I lost my appetite, and she told me to fix it anyway. It would have been a waste, so I told her that I would fix it when I was hungry again. She started yelling at me, telling me to put my things away, which I did, and then, she did the worst thing she could have ever done. She compared me to my brother. My brother gave her no respect, he did not give a crap about her, he cussed her out and treated her like dirt. I was silent, speechless. I haven’t been giving her an attitude. I really haven’t.
I have been stressed, this week is really hard on me. It is getting to the point where I just want to give up in life. What is the point of doing anything for someone when their foot is hurting or whatever, or just out of kindness, when you are not even treated like a human? I am graduating! Exams are flying at me! Calculus is getting about impossible. I have taken her crap for so many years, not even realizing that she was treating me so low. I am a smart girl, talented, and I have been scarred permanently by her and my ex-step-dad to thinking that I am only useful around the house, and not smart, not good looking. I want to be confident, but it is wasted down the drain.
After having to deal with this crap for most of my life, I have opened my eyes. (Which are now full of tears, and I can barely see, haha.) I don’t know what to do, but I have to get away. I can’t handle being treated like this. I am about to crack, and really, I don’t have the heart to do anything. I can’t tell her what’s wrong. I can’t… I have suffered for mom’s financial issues, and I have gone almost three months without contacts. I have them now, thank the good Lord. I am in need of serious medicine for my Endometriosis. I need to go to the doctor for my constant pains. Yet, there is no way to pay for it, there is no way to get there without a car, because she hasn’t tried to do anything.
She spends all day on the phone, on Facebook, and makes me do all these little things, and those things pile up. They have for the past almost two decades. I apologize guys for having you all read this, but I had to get it out somewhere. That is just a little of what I go through each day. That is not as bad as my past as been, granted I even know what being homeless is like. So, if I am slow on things, I am sorry. I can’t RP or do anything in this state of mind. It should return somewhat to normal…within a few hours or weeks. Thanks for taking the time for even reading this.
~ Kaitlyn
PS: Had to add this part it. She topped the day with the big cherry of confidence. She accuses me of being on drugs. Okay, I didn’t know I had the symptoms (weight loss, change of attitude so she says) but what the hell? Would I not be doing bad in school and going out to do the drugs? Sheesh. No wonder I am such a meanie. I am on drugs. *rolls eyes* If her actions were drugs, man, take me away! >_<
I am not my brother. Sure, he might be clean now, so he says, but ew! Okay, so when I blew up when you asked that question might not have been a smart thing on my part, but hey, doing something as low as that? No way! I will pass that drug test with a negative (whichever means that you don’t have drugs in your system) with ease. Do it. Lovely to see how she really thinks of me. An honors druggie who is also a slave.
Such a confidence booster right there. /sarcasm
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“Mr. Owl, how many blog rants does it take to get to the brain-centre of a thick-skulled brain-holder?”

That is the question I pose to myself a lot. (As opposed to the traditional “Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?”)
I don’t have very original blog rants lately. Mostly the same thing over and over. Members need to be more patient. Recognize they are not the only person needing help/approval/a reply/whatever. But still, I get members who want to “remind” me that the application they submitted three hours prior needs approving. Well gee, thanks guys. You’re right. I’d forgotten.

I can understand every member making that mistake once – or that some people might not read these blog rants… but it’s the members who do it over and over that bother me. Or the ones who recently got in hot water for breaking board rules (yes, sometimes even with regard to the application they are submitting) and then still have the audacity to “remind” me of things. I have a queue, people, and if you’re at the back: you’re at the back. If you’re at the back and you “remind” me: Well gee! You’re so nice! Letting all those other applications slip in front of yours!

This week has been crazier than ever for me. Why? Well, it goes like this:

  • University Acceptances Received
    • Which program do I accept?
    • Which will most assist me in my future aspirations?
  • Scolarship information came in
  • University open house -> Convinced me I should likely double major for my undergrad
  • Chemistry Final Summative Evaluation. Over 12 hours of work over the past two days. Plus about 14 hours for sleep, and then time allotted for Church, Bible Study, and Family – o00ooo0 look, a full weekend!
  • Memorizing my script for my drama scene study
  • The TriWizard Tournament

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. No, it’s not all negative stress, but it’s all stress and things I have to do. So I cut back in areas. Chiefly, I cut back in HNZ over the past four days but will catch up soon enough. I stopped processing applications like a mad man. Replied to very selective personal messages and topics as my time allowed. Role-played for my own enjoyment and to destress a bit. (All crazy and absurd, I know!)



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