Changes HNZ Life OOC Rants

Starting a New Era: College Life

Not many know that I’m actually going to college now. Not much of a surprise but whatever. After two years of trying to find a permanent home to settle down and start college, somehow I got in last year and went to classes online. This year is different. I fought to get In-State Tuition because I feel like this is my home now. I’ve never lived in this part of the county, but Cohutta is amazing on so many levels. Small, quiet, but lots of bugs out in the country. Can’t expect more in the south though. Anyway I am going to classes in 16 days. I’m counting down in my head because I’m excited. My classes are as followed:

  • Calculus and Analytical Geometry I
  • Principles of Programming I
  • English I
  • Fundamentals of Speech
  • American Government

I am a Sophomore and it is hilarious that according to this college, I’ve taken English II before English I. I needed English I for my major. Anyway, that is what I have, and I go to school all weekdays. I begged for five classes, and that was what I wanted. What can I say, I really wanted it. This will bring about some changes to my life though. One thing, never been in a campus classroom before so that will be an exciting change.

Changes for HNZ though? I might not be on for like 24 hours a day. Probably a similar schedule for what I had when I was working a full time job, or a part-time one. All of the pages of Accio! that I do will be closing earlier, which was why it was in the BWU several times. Bringing out a new set of pages so keep a look out on that! But with that in mind, anyone that is not pictured at all, won’t be. Not even the seventh years. I used to spend a good two to three hours looking for pictures and the full name for those that did not post pictures. Not anymore. I just wish that some people would take like a couple minutes out of their lives to post a picture for their student and answer to the PM if there was one. It makes the pages really worth while! It makes them bigger and fuller! But I guess it isn’t that big, which is why there isn’t going to be IC Superlatives for a while. That itself takes sooo long to do. It isn’t worth counting the votes if only 4 OOC people voted.

I might not be able to do lessons for my students anymore, especially my third years. Less to grade I suppose but eh. I liked it. I want to focus on school, but I am going to have fun in the meantime. It might take some time, I’m sure that this will be easy to balance out after a couple of weeks. I am superb at time management. When I want to be that is.

Sigh. I’ll just wrap this up then.
~ Kaitlyn

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busy Changes Future Life OOC Plans

The Great Move

I am starting to get more and more nervous now. Why is that? Well, most of the people that have known me has the girl from Georgia (Oh yeah, from the same place our Kait aka Kiera Potter, small world?) Though after I started working at Wal-Mart, I quickly learned that it is a physical job, but love it none the less, and people actually talked to me. It was nice, yes. I originally got the job to start saving up for Michigan, and helping out mom because she is being garnished for a surgery I went through three years ago. While helping her out and earning so little money, saving up was just not going to be happening within the next two years. However I figured, hey, get the garnishment stopped, I’d be able to save easier, right? But, then something came along to where I may not have to worry about it.

Mom got laid off, thus being offered a job in another state. Where? New York, one hour away from Canada, in a big city named Rochester. At first, I thought that it wasn’t going to happen, and whatnot, but now I am sitting in the living room, looking at boxes and I have been told to pack my room. It was like a smack to the face. The worst part, I am scared. Utterly scared that we will end up losing everything again, and then ending up in a worse mess than before, though things seemed legit with the forms and mom’s drug test. There was another option, where I could find rides to Walmart, on crazy hours, and fight like hell to maintain a living on my own. However that is almost impossible too. I don’t have a car of my own, thus I would end up losing the job with winter coming. So, I have to go to New York before I can go to Michigan. I would end up losing my job, yes, but in a big city, mom’s work is wanting to hire me too in something. It would be cool working like 12 dollars an hour where she is making almost double than what she was making here, before the garnishment.

On an added note, I talked mom into helping me save up, because she helped Christian and Sarah get a place of their own, why not me too? So, after we get settled, I start college and have a job, with mom’s extra funds, she is going to help me find my goal. Though first, get a car of my own. Once my credit is up a bit, maybe a lease for one but I don’t want to wait a year. So, Used is my best option. I am New York Bound soon, and then later, who knows how much later but it will happen, I will be in Michigan.

This is being posted mainly to let everyone know, I am going to be in the process of moving across the freaking country, and might not have internet for a while. I have a feeling, this would be a great trip, and a better life for mom and me both. Just some thoughts running through my head right now.

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Future Plans

Well, there comes a time when everyone in their life loses a job, big deal. Last night before I went to bed, I constructed a rather decent backup plan. I knew this would happen, because it has been coming since new management went in and took over. Also the mental stress of taking peoples shit all the time, 8 hours a day, without having the freedom to really say anything bad to them. You kiss their ass, and there are people always leaving because of how mental that job is. I am losing hair, can’t even get to a doctor now because they are no longer taking doctor excuses. I should have received two raises but no. So, it is not worth it. I shall find another place to work, shouldn’t be too hard. However, this may cause some moving.

I am also waiting on a phone call from an University, that will be quick to set up something for me so I can go to school online, get some grants and scholarships and finally stop wasting my life as I had done for the past year. I should have gone to college first, should have stayed with mom to begin with. Because of this, I will have to make some sacrifices, which is no big deal to me. As long as I have my laptop, my blanket and pillow, I am happy. Heck, this is nothing compared to when we were homeless. While I am traveling to GA after college gets settled out, I will be looking for mom a job too, and the road looks hard, so Prayers and all will be needed. I dreamed about this, not moving per say, but the storm was coming, something that would leave mom and I both sore and torn up to hell, but the Sun arrives, filling us with hope. Dreams like these come true, so things will turn out all right. I have faith.

I try to keep as much to myself as possible, but if questioned I will answer. Can’t help it. Can’t lie really. I applied online at Walmart, so maybe I can be a cashier again, because that was fun when I was at Food City. A part time job with college, which I shall be a math teacher and maybe do something with computers though looking at some of the codes made my head hurt (Thanks Nick :P) so math is what I truly love, and I want to teach Calculus and Advanced Math. That is my calling, and who knows, maybe I’ll end up in Michigan teaching up there or something. xD Once we get a car that is, which might be soon if the Lord is willing.

Mom’s been depressed, and I am almost sick of being burdened by feeling her depression, as far as losing my own optimism, but I need to figure out things myself. I made plenty of mistakes, but one’s got to learn. At least I don’t have a kid. Thank God! I would die otherwise. -.-

I went on ahead and made a new plan. Instead of me moving to my brother and all, I shall live with my uncle if things work out right. Which they will, I just know it. We get along and it is in Lexington, where opportunity lives. Maybe I can actually go to UK instead of online, or even that one community college. Then I would get the true experience.

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A busy busy busy New Year!

I have noticed something over the past few…weeks, perhaps months. Perhaps my muse is gone for the time being, because my life got ten times more exciting. But while I have been working a full time job, I have been thinking over my recent plots from 2010. Most plots were awesome, epically, and I think HNZ members that have assisted me with making them come alive. I enjoy them so much. But once I got to thinking, some of these, they were started and never finished.

In particular, one I was really excited for, and had it written out, gotten Administration approval, and then…it never finished. Other plots were, but never that one. I watched that role-play fall apart, and others that I have gotten excited for, and things just never happened. I don’t know if it is just me, or if the plot was just not exciting enough. It makes me disappointed, to watch other roleplays get finished, but it is a miracle nowadays that I even get to finish just one roleplay. My muse is gone, and I work full time. But I normally have about 4-5 hours of computer time a day anyhow. I somehow catch up with lessons, but when it comes to roleplays, I get frustrated. I wonder if it will even finish. I mark my roleplays that I reply to as dead after a month without response. Half the time when I am lurking HNZ, I try to find global moderator things to go, such as updating the Graduation list, or something like that, because I don’t want to roleplay.

I see so much for characters, for biographys, for plots, for Accio, for Quidditch; I would love to participate in it all, but with my recent thoughts, I think the only thing I will be good for are my professor duties, and my moderating. Maybe a fancy looking biography. I had to shut down my Graphics shop for the time being because I don’t have the muse to make anything special. But I guess what is just disappointing to me is that sometimes, I spend so much time on a plot, it just falls apart. I think if that gets fixed, then my muse will return, and maybe I can get back on track. It takes me, up to two weeks to reply to a roleplay now, and I don’t want it to be like that. I want to broaden my plots, and stuff, but it seems like every time I try to, real life likes to kick the plans’ ass. xD

Perhaps nowadays I just need to relax and stick to bio-editing, lessons and moderating.

Hey, new blog for the new year! So, let me highlight what has happened over the previous seven days:

  • Facebook drama between my mother and Diana. I have ranted before about my mom, but things have most certainly changed since then
  • I end up crushing on a boy that has led me on in the past, but I am still making him grovel over it. *smirks* And the compliments and goofy stuff is nice. So, we are still friends for the time being.
  • I discover a new love for unique banners (example: Hadan’s current)
  • I worked my first 12 hour shift. Sucked ass
  • Made new friends

From the way the new year is starting out, it seems like my real life is booked, correct? Perhaps. This year brings along at least two large plots that have everything to do with Aleyha Devearux, my pet Parselmouth, the very plans that have been made over a year ago.

I also realized that when you truly love someone, it never stops hurting. I saw that one of my ex-boyfriends have just recently became single, and my heart jumped a bit. Gah, it has been like, 3 and 1/2 years, I should have been over him already. FML. Lol. But then there is that other crush, if it works out. IF. Can you all tell that I am just a complete mess? Keep in mind that I am a female, most females would know the time of when a woman’s feelings and attitude get all topsy turvy. I realized also, I want to be a mother one day. Well, pregnant, but not a mother. Ish. I know for a fact I am not ready to be a mother and support a baby (plus, marriage for me is required, and when I have some free moneys, I am going to buy me a purity ring!), but just the thought of being pregnant sounds cute and stuff, but scary and painful. I am friends with a pregnant girl in the class. I am probably empathizing for her, because I only felt like that when I was in short distance of her.

I am going to wrap this up with some things I look forward to within the next few months or so:

  • Contemplating actually going out and dating
  • Changing my last name
  • Going to the doctor after I have insurance
  • Getting a new car
  • Perhaps a cousin of mine moving in with me
  • Maybe when my aunt gets married, depending on when, if my uncle will allow me and my cousin to move in with him to attend a better college up there (I need to talk to both of them :r)
  • And college in the summer

Seems like I have it all down. Ranting, probably just something that frustrates me, but really, some things I started, they don’t mean much to me unless it affects my characters. So, if you all need a plot or a banner (absolutely NEED one), hit me up on my PM box, or on skype on the weekends. I am willing to RP with anyone, as long as there is no godmodding. ;)


The Dark Orchid named Sir Kaitlyn

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Frustration and Contemplations

So, we all know how things will have me frustrated to no end. Recently, I came across something on Facebook that really set me off. I mean, Jessye had to sit and hear me rant over just how stupid people are nowadays. I remember something in the Bible (don’t ask me where, cause I don’t know where) “Do not attempt to remove a speck from another’s eye without removing the plank from your own eyes.” I believe this with my entire being. Pretty much, stop being a freaking hypocrite. Unless I am reading that wrong. Which I strongly doubt.

I’ve been nice to people, and from the vine, I’ve received some sour grapes full of insults and such about me; about my friends; about the site staff. It disappoints me and I dare not repeat the things they say. It angers me so much that we, the site staff, spend a lot of our time making sure that the members get what they want. We stress ourselves out so that you members can have your HNZ. I have been to other sites, and their staff could careless about what the members and how they felt. HNZ is a heart-warming community, yet people try to take advantage of something. Then they blame it all on the ‘cliques’ just when they don’t get what they want. Favoritism…another word that goes along with the cliques.
I want to point out that someone like me, someone who has a lot of honors, even I have been rejected with applications. Two, that I remember, and I rarely put in applications. I’ve have to tweak and work to get mine approved. Not because I am a Global Moderator, but because my applications are thorough, and because they aren’t just thrown together from a show or something. They are original. I spend a lot of time on my applications, and well, sometimes, life just doesn’t want to spoil me and give me everything I want. I see that rejection is what gotten a lot of people against the site staff. More importantly; Nick and Livvy. I wonder if those people who know that they were rejected….they can easily apply again with a more thorough application at a later time. It isn’t that hard to do, and it isn’t the end of the world when you see that your application has been denied. Come on, people, this isn’t school. :tut:
As far as the ‘cliques’ go, I am not going to point out people. That would be just rude. However, people will band together, and RP with the other more than other people because they get along with someone better than the other. It is life. For example, I RP with Jessye a lot, that is no coincidence. We are best friends and very close. Yet, she is not the only RP with, and she RPs with others other than me. I love to RP, with about anyone so long as you don’t go back on your word, and don’t mess up anything, or leave me hanging. If you aren’t interested in a plot with me, don’t plan it out, and not reply. I get excited too, and thus, this affects my muse, and I come to think that my plots that smart and awesome because I allowed one person to affect me.
What does make me laugh though, is that people complain that they don’t get anything. No rewards (prefect status, professor character, whatever). You know what makes me laugh? When that person has not done anything to receive that honor. They think they deserve it, but they don’t. If you don’t do anything, and if you don’t RP and act nice to other members, you can’t expect to get much. This applies to everyone in life. You only get what you deserve. No matter how long you have been on HNZ, for example, but you don’t do much at all, you don’t get anything special just because you’ve been around. You have to really commit. I guess this goes to jobs too. My brother has failed to realize this, and well, this may apply to those on HNZ, but I have no idea if it does or not.
What else makes me laugh, is when a group of people constantly know what another group is doing, and mocking it. I have realized this: this is obsession. That obsessive group follows the other group, watches what they do, what they say, all the time, and mocking it for their own enjoyment. I wonder if they realize that the other group doesn’t care what they do, because the obsessive will just keep thinking about them, because it is eating them inside. That obsessive is doing nothing but wasting their time on following this other group that is well known and very friendly – more often than not – and the obsessive group doesn’t do anything at all. This has happened to me – where I was being followed, being mocked, and all this jazz. You know what I did? I laughed. Nothing like that phases me, because I know that they are just trying to improve their lives, by attempting to make me and my friends feel like scum…but they fail.
That has happened so much at school and everywhere else, that I am usually the last one to know. Rumors about me about to beat up someone or something, I am always the last to know. Half the time, I am just confused and I burst into laughter.
Other than the fact that I am receiving amusement from the ignorance and stupidity of people, that has been on my mind. People judge another, and that happens. But they never judge themselves. If you think you deserve, but has not earned it, and you complain, you know that is only bringing down yourself. If you apply this to the career path, you will receive failure. I would know, for I have seen it happen to my brother. He blames everyone else for himself, says that the world is against him when he needs to just grow up and earn himself a place. My advise to you all, is if you think that you aren’t getting everything you want because of favoritism, I want you to think twice. There is no proof of these happenings, and no proof of ‘cliques’.
That seven letter word makes Nick weep. But what does make me? It makes me laugh. Generally, the people that say there are cliques, are technically in them themselves. If you think about it, cliques are bands of friends, that stick together, and possible ignore everyone else, and tease the other. That is freaking high school. HNZ is not a high school.
That has been on my mind a lot lately.
Thanks for reading!
~ Sir Kaitlyn

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Stressed out and Slavery

As a lot of you have witnessed in my letter, which can be read here, I have been having trouble with my mom. Guess what, guys, it just went from bad to total hell. I am a strong person, and this is a good trait of mine, that I am strong enough to even go through a funeral of my second-mother without crying. But right now, it appears that I have broken, and I have to write about it. Mom and I got into it, yet again. This was so bad, I am not joking. It got me to the point of crying, and just had to keep my hands busy which resulted in me doing my laundry and cleaning up my bathroom.

I don’t have much time, because I have to be at Walmart soon. But this is how the fight went:
I was preparing a delicious meal with a smile on my face and I was joking around. Typical, I was in a great mood. Then, mom came in and took over the stove, saying that hers wouldn’t take long. I was like, “Okay, I hardly eat as is, and you are delaying it?” But I shrugged and said I would wait. Then, she took her time to issue me with taking out the trash, picking up all the trash around the house. Okay, I didn’t take it out yesterday because I wasn’t very fond of having my butt struck by lightning. Yeah, I find that excuse reasonable. She started going on about how this house is always in a mess.
Jee, I wonder why. I am always in my room, eating and drinking in here and cleaning up my mess. So, I wonder whose trash I had to pick up, whose dishes I had to wash. (I know I am not being grammatically correct, but I could careless at this point). After I got all that done, mom and I got into a little spat about whether or not the trash was ready to go out. I don’t like to waste, so I was like, “Mom, look, you can still put stuff in there.” But no, she wanted it out. I told her I would take it out when it was full.
Then, the big fight came. I had only poured water into the pot to start my pasta. After having to do all that, having to witness mom blaming her crap on me, who would want to eat after that? I told her that I lost my appetite, and she told me to fix it anyway. It would have been a waste, so I told her that I would fix it when I was hungry again. She started yelling at me, telling me to put my things away, which I did, and then, she did the worst thing she could have ever done. She compared me to my brother. My brother gave her no respect, he did not give a crap about her, he cussed her out and treated her like dirt. I was silent, speechless. I haven’t been giving her an attitude. I really haven’t.
I have been stressed, this week is really hard on me. It is getting to the point where I just want to give up in life. What is the point of doing anything for someone when their foot is hurting or whatever, or just out of kindness, when you are not even treated like a human? I am graduating! Exams are flying at me! Calculus is getting about impossible. I have taken her crap for so many years, not even realizing that she was treating me so low. I am a smart girl, talented, and I have been scarred permanently by her and my ex-step-dad to thinking that I am only useful around the house, and not smart, not good looking. I want to be confident, but it is wasted down the drain.
After having to deal with this crap for most of my life, I have opened my eyes. (Which are now full of tears, and I can barely see, haha.) I don’t know what to do, but I have to get away. I can’t handle being treated like this. I am about to crack, and really, I don’t have the heart to do anything. I can’t tell her what’s wrong. I can’t… I have suffered for mom’s financial issues, and I have gone almost three months without contacts. I have them now, thank the good Lord. I am in need of serious medicine for my Endometriosis. I need to go to the doctor for my constant pains. Yet, there is no way to pay for it, there is no way to get there without a car, because she hasn’t tried to do anything.
She spends all day on the phone, on Facebook, and makes me do all these little things, and those things pile up. They have for the past almost two decades. I apologize guys for having you all read this, but I had to get it out somewhere. That is just a little of what I go through each day. That is not as bad as my past as been, granted I even know what being homeless is like. So, if I am slow on things, I am sorry. I can’t RP or do anything in this state of mind. It should return somewhat to normal…within a few hours or weeks. Thanks for taking the time for even reading this.
~ Kaitlyn
PS: Had to add this part it. She topped the day with the big cherry of confidence. She accuses me of being on drugs. Okay, I didn’t know I had the symptoms (weight loss, change of attitude so she says) but what the hell? Would I not be doing bad in school and going out to do the drugs? Sheesh. No wonder I am such a meanie. I am on drugs. *rolls eyes* If her actions were drugs, man, take me away! >_<
I am not my brother. Sure, he might be clean now, so he says, but ew! Okay, so when I blew up when you asked that question might not have been a smart thing on my part, but hey, doing something as low as that? No way! I will pass that drug test with a negative (whichever means that you don’t have drugs in your system) with ease. Do it. Lovely to see how she really thinks of me. An honors druggie who is also a slave.
Such a confidence booster right there. /sarcasm
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Snow and more snow!

Yes, this blog is mostly about snow. It is white, it sparkles in the sun, and very cold. Sound like a Twilight vampire? Maybe that is why it is an epic fail! All snow does here is cut out of school, which means less HNZ time in the spring for I will be busting my ass in Calculus. Guess what? We have much more today than we ever had this winter. Even though I really hate going to school, it still sucks that we have to stay in during the summer. I might be eighteen when I actually graduate. Which will be in August. School until August. I will go ape-wild.

They salted my roads. That is a plus. Maybe this time we won’t have to go without water. I can only hope. I love my showers. So much, you don’t even know. I can shower all day if the hot water was on forever. But it runs out too quickly. It makes me sad.

What else makes me sad is knowing that we have no car. Yet. God will provide though! My mom prayed, this is actually ironic, for snow so she could get out of work. She has been having a rough time at work. And… We have so much snow, it is ridiculous. She was like, “Not this much!”

Some people get on my nerves, and I don’t show it. If something is changed, there is a good reason. Don’t complain over it, please. It just adds more stress. The single set of smileys is perfect. Toki works soo hard on them. They look so cute! My favorite out of them all has to be the lol one. I just love it! Mine is adorable too. I love the black hat!

I am managing lessons very well with the characters needed. I am really sad about Niccy and Kalif. They are soo cute! Why must they both be so stubborn, realize they love each other and make many, many babies! I can’t wait for Hades and Pat to step in. Oh how much fun it will be getting the parents back together! It is strange how we have everything planned out, and we get so mad about characters but know it is just going to end up all right. That is the best part about RPing. I just adore it.

Anyways, enough for now.
A promise is a promise, Nickles.

~ Kaitlyn

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The New Year, so Far

So, I forgot when New Year’s Day was, and how I spent that night. I didn’t drink of course, thankfully, but I think I spent my New Year’s on Skype with a few awesome people. My break off of school was relaxing to say the least. Two weeks off, that is a freaking bonus from everything, and I passed all my classes! Woots! I didn’t think I was going to pass English, but hey, it is a college course that really just bothers me so much because of how freaking boring it is! My favorite class happens to be Calculus, because not only is my teacher the most awesome and smartest (which you can’t find out here where I happen to live) and he is the funniest, but the class itself is nothing but math. And I adore math. Numbers, variables, yeah.
So, I have gone on about my obsession with math, when I was supposed to go on about the New Years. So, I spent my entire break on HNZ, doing plots and just RPing like crazy while making graphics. Nothing unusual until I received the purple name. It is still a shock for me, and getting used to being the n00b. Haha. Then, we got out of school for two extra weeks? Happy, am I? Of course! Except for the constant supply of water coming in and going out, coming in and going out, driving me literally INSANE. Once you get your water back, you really come to appreciate it. Like the sounds of a washer going or the running water of a toilet. You really miss that when you don’t have water. Yes, this has been a rough time for me, but hey, there were people in worse conditions like no food and no heat. (Nearly ran out of groceries here a bit ago, but God blessed us with sun and BAM we were at Walmart!)
Something funny also happened this year. Mom’s car said two colorful words and died on us. It was only in the thirties (F) so it wasn’t that bad. Mom’s car never has heat anyway so… We got home via cousin (not Kelsey because I wouldn’t trust her driving skills right now. xD ) and it only costed us $52 to have it towed and checked out! Mom’s car has been leaking oil, and that’s why it died. It had no oil to…drink. Interesting year to start out with, huh?

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